


Everyone Has Two Dicks

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alien Biology, Alien Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Masturbation, Multi, Sex, Sexual Content, Sexual Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-12
Updated: 2011-06-12
Packaged: 2017-10-20 08:55:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/210991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ok so normally im a sburbchan/mspa chan bro<br/>but those sites are down and i need somewhere to put this shit<br/>so here you go</p><p>so hussie says he's looking forward to all the terribleness his formspring answer ( http://www.formspring.me/mspadventures/q/203822124295549189 ) is going to generate</p><p>i felt it my solemn duty to contribute to this terribleness</p><p>so have five (terrible, ooc) drabbles about having two dicks<br/>that are also like a horrible cross between slug dicks and cat dicks because i say its xenobiology i can do what i want</p><p>super special thanks to a friend of mine (you know who you are) for coming up with the title of the troll film</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everyone Has Two Dicks

“Oh my god, Dave!”

His pants were undone and his penis was out and stiff as a board and now she was freaking out? Terezi's hands were over her mouth in horror.

“What, what's wrong!”

“I mean it's just. It's so small,” she said, running her hands over it (oh god), then licking it (oh god yes) her teeth adding the barest touch of roughness to the whole procedure. “I mean it's delicious, like peaches and cream with a hint of wild cherry underneath, but -”

Abruptly, she yanked on it hard, eliciting a shudder and a moan from him.

“It only goes out that far?”

“Hey, my dick is plenty big, okay?”

“And what happened to your other one?” she asked, prodding at the skin around the area. “And it doesn't go back inside? Humans sure are weird.”

“What.”

A long, translucent tentacle slid out of Terezi's pants and wrapped around his dick – it was slick and wet, and it felt good enough that he only question what the fuck was going on a little. Just a little.

“I mean I'm ok with it I expected weird shit, but man! Only one, and so tiny...”

He was going to ask why she had a tentacle dick and if she did in fact have two tentacle dicks like she was implying but then she started moving up and down his shaft and he decided he didn't give a fuck anymore.

***

The problem with watching “Wherein two trolls in a languishing matespritship maintain double lives as threshecutioners in competing flaysquads; this mutual deception is then discovered prompting multiple fight scenes rapidly becoming more caliginous in nature; later reuniting in a fashion that embraces both concupiscent quadrants; multiple car chases; countless explosions; several scenes unsuitable for those under nine sweeps of age.” was that both his bulges would start to distend. He knew that a lot of trolls got off on that sort of thing, but it was awkward to have a dual boner over a goddamn movie. The first time he didn't do anything about it, and just dealt with the discomfort. Hee couldn't even cross his legs, in case the hateboner got crossed with the pityboner. He'd been taught to never cross the dicks. Never.

But then one night he was bored and uncomfortable and lonely and he took off his pants and pulled them out, all four feet of prehensile bulge, and lay them across his legs where they twitched as though of their own accord. Fine, bulges. Fine. Sit there and be all swollen and stiff.

And then he'd started fondling them and letting each one start to fold out into their flower states, transluscent tissues flattening out and starting to flush red with fluid (uuugh so disgusting, but he really wanted to get off here) and then

Well

Why the fuck not? He twisted the two together and TROLL JESUS ON A SPRING OPERATED LOCOMOTION DEVICE THAT HURT. The sharp backwards facing barbs on his hate-boner dug into the softer flesh of his pity-boner, but at the same time the pleasure-fluids oozing from the pity-boner soaked into the skin of his hate-boner and okay, okay, he'd twist them together (awkwardly, they weren't designed for this) and fold them out and it hurt like hell... but somehow, he liked it.

“Fuck you. Fuck you and your red blood,” he snarled, writhing on the floor, rubbing the bubble of flesh and fluid up against various objects before finally grabbing the bucket and letting the thing unfold into it. He shook with pain and satisfaction, and that was the day Karkat fucked himself.

***

She liked to tease him about it, just a little; and once or twice she's even said she almost wishes she was his kismesis, just because the red one looks so damn neat.

“Spikey like anglerfish teeth!” she giggles, playing with the nub as they lay together, the blue one meanwhile stretched out and gorged brilliant blue. Her own, bright Tyrian purple, is twisted around his, but not yet flowering. “How does that even work? Your blood's yellow.”

“Pthionicth, baby,” he said with a crooked grin, kissing down the two chitinous remains of her vestigial legs. “The fluid'th yellow, though.”

She giggled, running a finger down his chest and then over the base of his bulge till she reached the place where they'd started to connect.

“You get so stiff! Pthionicth too, huh?” she giggled. “I bet you can program with that.”

He nods. “I've done it before. Karkat got me tho mad once I coded a whole viruth with my hateboner. It wath awethome.”

“Oh man, I want to watch sometime,” she said. “... but not now.”

“Nah, not now,” he said, and they started to fold out their bulges, wrapping them around into a translucent bubble, and for a few moments they held paradise in gold and violet.

 

***

The spines on her hatebulge were steel, and she would hold him down and lash him with them, his back spraying blue blood, and he'd sweat until the salt entered his wounds and he howled with pain. Her bulges couldn't unfold (he'd tried to implement that, but it's hard to work with metal), and they gave her no real pleasure, just a simulation of it. He'd fumble and try to wrap around them and spread out, but she'd snarl and yank both of them away. One day she choked him with her pitybulge while ramming him in his nook, her hatebulge sliding out slick with blue blood and him almost crying from the pain.

He loved every second of it, every moment of abuse, and he'd only beg for more.

***

“I can see it through your pants, Dualscar,” she murmured, her pitybulge already entwined with her latest slave's, already swelling with genetic fluid. “Why don't you come and join us?”

He bit his lip so hard he bled, and he wanted to refuse, but fuck her, she was too enticing. She didn't even need her powers to call to him, and he slid up to her on his knees even as she reached down to take hold of his hatebulge, not even caring about the spines digging into her palm as she yanked it out of his seedflap, pulling it far too quickly for comfort to its full length.

“Then let us dance.”


End file.
